We’re enslaved to the things we can’t control, that’s life. Our faults are the things we can change, and don’t. We go through life with such slow precaution in fear of losing what we have, despite not knowing what it is. Life takes prisoners but leaves no survivors so don’t settle for a life, confined within your worries. Don’t sacrifice control of your future for security in right now.
I wish I craved people. Their time, their attention, their company. I wish I heard talking in the lunchroom and didn’t turn around. I wish I could hold eye contact with the cashier without looking away or talk to my neighbor about the late mail. I wish I could run to my crush and kiss him for hours. No hesitation, no regrets, no fear of rejection.
I wish friendships were natural and love was just life. I wish our stories stitched together and I didn’t crave silence. For, I have so many things I want to say so I rehearse them in my mind, but the things I want to say may never make it to you because life has a funny habit of not following the script. So I’ll live as a wallflower, with my emotions beside me and fear on my back. I’ll risk missing a good thing for a sure thing, until one day I’m sure of myself.
Your wine glass is empty ’cause you drink from the bottle. The bottle is empty ’cause you drink with the moon. It’s madness. It’s intelligence. It’s bloodshot eyes at three a.m. You write because they won’t let you talk. You write because you need the light, to help you find the dark corners of your mind.
Your fingers, they dance while words, they appear. Your once floating thoughts now hold substance and truth. It’s a writers mind, a quick escape. It’s the silence of your room and the screaming in your head. It’s lonely, it’s comfortable. It’s being the passenger of a sinking ship and simply watching the violinist play.
When someone apologizes for the way they look, the things they say, it means there’s someone in their life, that taught them to be sorry for who they are. Someone taught them to make excuses for their flaws, to justify their presence.
Perhaps that’s why we confuse cocky with confident. We’re torn between who to resent and who to admire. We’re blinded by whose standing tall and whose being held up. For, even the prom queen knows what it’s like to wake up alone. The highest A-lister has felt lonely in a crowd. The most glamorous person has looked at their reflection through tears.
We compare ourselves to those exactly like us. We all have our niche. Our sense of high; giving us happiness in the darkest times as everyone’s goal is to simply survive tomorrow as they did today. Everyone has the right to live without apology and as a result, they will live without regret.
In fact, they’ll remember the times you gave when you had nothing of your own.
They’ll be selfish. They’ll be hurt. They’ll miss the way you made them smile and the way you made them laugh. They’ll think of words left unsaid over words that you’d once spoken.
They’ll spend the rest of their lives wishing you could’ve outrun your storm. Wishing you left your shoes in the mud and your problems beneath them. Wishing if they had only saw you break, before you let yourself shatter.
And if one day you lose someone who stepped too soon off the sidewalk, who took a fatal trip, or whose life worked against all odds, do nothing more but appreciate the breaths they took and the life they lived.
We can ask our loved ones to stay indoors, to lock the windows, to lay in blankets. We can ask them to stay in the comfort of a shelter, in protection. We fear we’re not strong enough to handle someone else’s pain so we tip toe around the truth that loss is inevitable and pain is survivable.
No matter the path we take or the speed we go, when it comes down to the crash, our life is in as much jeopardy as everyone else in the car. So, don’t let a day go by without remembering, life is never a question of how they died, it’s a question of how they lived.
You waste time convincing yourself you’re at an awkward age. The feelings will pass when the stage does. Everyone goes through it. You remind yourself that every tomorrow is a new day. That means a new promise to be a better person. To do more, to be more, to be happy. Weeks pass and many tomorrows have since come and gone.
Some days your bed is the only comfort you have. Some days your dog is the only companion you need. Some days tomorrow will be an impossible thought. But one day the bad days, will be just another day on the calendar, getting lost in the idea that life’s not all that bad.
We can’t understand people. We can’t understand why it takes them to lose you to miss you. To hate you to love you. To misunderstand you to get you. We can’t seem to open our eyes and like what we see so we close them tight and dream for better. But more often then not, better never comes, because better is what you have. We’re too quick to let go and too excited to move on. Sometimes the very something we’re moving on from, is the very something we’re looking for.
Day after day we can save someones life, we can show them the light, we can share what we know. We should all be so lucky to find someone whose seen the dark for those people know how to shine light when we need it ourselves. But sometimes the people who have seen the dark, leave their problems there.
Sometimes we’re scared of hugging, in fear of them holding too tight. Sometimes we’re scared to pick someone up, in fear they’ll pull us down. Sometimes we’re scared to save someone’s life, in fear we will forfeit our own. And sometimes we’re scared to share the lessons we learned, in fear of turning around.
Alcohol is a fire burning inside you. It’s blurry vision with sentences of words, all melted into one. It dances on your tongue with the taste of confidence. Stories walk the line of honest exaggeration and fear of rejection is replaced with morning after regret. It’s a spilt vessel of poison, an illegible message in the bottle, a plea for acceptance, hidden beneath confessions of love and blistered dancing feet.
Alcohol brings out the worst. The emotions, the authenticity, the anger. And when you wake up with a pounding head and queasy stomach, you put on a poker face ’cause you just showed all your cards. You showed people who you really are. The vulnerable, misguided person you’ve spent years building a wall around. You’ve created an image for onlookers, but alcohol will break down the wall and reveal your true self.