The pain isn’t permanent. It goes away as graceful as the sky fills with colour after a storm. As temporary as a pavement of chalk beneath rain. So don’t worry. Once today’s pain is yesterdays, you’ll be given a clean slate to make a mess.
Live your days like stepping stones, as if it’s the only path you have. You’ll gain balance and strength with each stride and live life with no desire to look back. One day, you’ll be so fortunate you pushed through and only then will you see, why the path you had to take, brought to you to where it did.
We want to be the main character with a promising storyline and lovable flaws, but too often, we are the villains. Too often do we give ourselves the poisonous apple. We turn a gun on the people in our way and willingly put on the mask to taunt the damsel in distress that is ourselves. We walk away, head held high as everything we know burns in a dramatic explosion, for the monsters and daemons, they all live inside us. Our psychological wounds act as the red stain around our lips or the scar above our eye. It acts as the underlining story, making us the self-destructive people we’re ashamed to be.
The less they give the more you want and the farther they are, the closer you get. You can’t seem to understand balance. That life is about finding someone to sit on the other side of the teeter tooter. Someone who you can trust, that won’t let you fall. Someone who will lift you up or help you down but won’t let go.
But in case that seat’s empty, when you’re walking past the park, remember balance is also the ability to stand on your own. Balance is a bike ride, forcing you to move forward in order to stay upright. To understand balance is to finally understand the ability to hold on, or let go, but not fall down.
Don’t go back to the person that broke you but take your broken pieces and build someone new. Build someone better. Sometimes it’s best to be unrecognizable because it gives us one of those rare chances in life to reinvent ourselves. Sometimes need to be reminded that the worth running from because someone, somewhere, is waiting to give you a reason to wake up in the morning and fall asleep at night.
Any day, any age, any time, you are free to boycott adulthood. You can eat pizza for breakfast and ice cream from the carton. You can pick the marshmallows out of your cereal and dip your finger in Nutella. You can wear one piece pajamas and watch cartoons upside down. You can dance to Disney soundtracks and sing into your mop. You can send a letter to Santa or eat all the Halloween candies you bought. You can spend Friday night on a Twister matt or skip a dinner party to build a fort. Get lost in a toy store or sit in a mess of pom-poms and paint.
You can boycott the bills, the responsibilities, the chores. You can cancel your plans, make some free time, ask can I call you back? You are never to old to turn away from what’s to come and savor what you’ve left. You are never to old to live young, live wild and live free.
Don’t skip dinner with friends or pass on a tall glass of wine. Don’t stand in front of the candles on your Birthday cake, wishing for it to be gone and don’t count down the days to Thanksgiving like you count down the calories until you’re ‘full’. Don’t miss your favourite show to run the extra mile and don’t let the seconds in your day, waste away like the numbers on your scale.
I would love my faults if I believed you ever could but for as long as you hold my hand loose and you let your eyes stray, I will understand beauty to be what they want. I will stand in front of my mirror and suck in my stomach. I will flip celebrity magazines and dream of perfection. I will wake up early to hide the things I hate and I will wrestle with myself, when I just can’t be enough.
I will spend the rest of my life dreaming of different and when that day comes, and I finally ‘look’ right, I will look at the floor when he tells me my smile’s pretty. I will argue non stop when he says I’m perfection, because I’ll remember, to you, I wasn’t enough. It’ll take time and it’ll take hurting to one day realize, life isn’t about how you look. It’s about the person looking at you.
Crazy is hiding behind fluent sarcasm. It’s the distorted reality you lose yourself in, the dilated pupils you look through, the humor you use to dismiss the things that matter most. Crazy is your confidence that you can spend your life fighting the way things are meant to be, the way they’re meant to happen. It’s looking at life with eyes that say run. It’s beauty in ways you can’t understand. You’re running in circles wondering why the view is the same. You’re living your life with simple hopes to get by. You’re cursed with a brilliant mind you live to resent.
Our teen years fixate on the popularity of the girl with pretty long hair and a drinking problem. The jock like boyfriends that will bend over backwards to hold their books and the instant glamour that can be found when accessorizing with pink. It’s the kind of life we hate to want.
We try to make a normal so far from what we know, but it’s a matter of time before we realize people don’t change, they simply can’t. We can fight who we are for as long as we have the strength but eventually it’s inevitable and we give up the act. The twenties come with a lot of hardships, a lot of obstacles we must overcome but while we’re occupied with the more serious problems in life, we forget to pretend to be someone else. There is no better time to embrace who you really are then a time where no one has a clue.
There’s a million things to go wrong whether it’s the sickness you get or the bones you break. The hearts you loose or the jobs you can’t do. Some days the gym will be too many steps and the weekend will be too many sleeps. Your dreams will be impossible and the future will seem so dark.
But like we don’t know why love stops, we know why it starts and like we don’t know why we die, we know why we live. We can’t look ahead without looking around. We can’t possibly appreciate the ground until we’re too close to the ledge. We can’t seem to decide if it’s worth stepping on the edge or stepping off.
You have personality traits you struggle to find in other people. Your witty comments surface as arrogance, leaving others to make false judgment. You have a constant sense of awareness, always keeping tabs on your surroundings and the crowd within it. You can find the escape route, the worst-case scenario or the most convincible reason to leave any situation.
You live in your mind so you’re aware of every word, every breath, every thought that plays pong on the walls of your brain. You fixate over the few things that interest you and are forced to battle the daily struggle of self-betterment. You have a sense of frustration for people whose qualities clash with yours. You lack patience. You lack restraint. You feel different because you are, and how exhausting it is to keep being misunderstood.