fate has no patience.

UntitledcxTo lose you is to admit defeat to a world that works against us. A world offended by simple love. To lose you is to hate the universe for the happiness it takes to soon. The futures it cuts too short. I offer to lose you time and time again; hoping fate will tire and move on. Turns out fate has those same plans for me.

Fate has no patience. No hesitance. No we’ll see how it goes. No mercy on the love letters or the people who sign them. Fate gives you a box of tools and the hands to use them. Gives you people to love and the hands to hold them.

Fate’s a coincidence that works out. A consequence meant to last. This is the last time I’ll lose you, as I fight an impossible battle but as fate has promised, this will one day make sense.  

motivation.

UntitledkkomSome people are simply motivation. Your enemy should make you want to be better, your ex should make you want to do better. You need someone to push you on stage despite stage fright. Someone to chase you in threat so you’ll run. Someone to taint your once confidence so you’re driven to get it back.

Don’t say someone never gave you anything because for better or for worse, they gave you a reason to wake up in the morning. As long as you come out stronger, you can’t wish for anything better. So, don’t feel sorry for yourself in hopes that someone else will too.

the people around you.

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You don’t want to breakdown because you don’t want to challenge the people around you. You don’t want to see who would be there; you just want to believe they would all be.

You may mean the world to them, but no one’s life stops when yours does. You want them to push you, comfort you, convince you there’s good you can’t see. Maybe they can’t keep telling you things will be okay. They can’t call every lunchtime or skip every dinner. They can’t give you expectations that they’ll always be there because sometimes they won’t be. Sometimes your call will go unanswered. Your mind will be left to wander. You don’t want to breakdown because you know; sometimes the idea of someone has to be enough.

embrace the fall.

UntitledvdcJack-in-the-boxes taught us to expect the unexpected. Show and Tell taught us the worth of having more, having better, having the best. Finger painting taught us the mess we’re capable of and the colours we show, without any intention. Skipping rocks taught us the fight of sink versus swim and a simple game of tag, taught the power of a touch.

We’ve spent years finding lessons within life, yet there’s still so much we don’t know, and so much we haven’t learned. A frustrating idea to some, but a sense of excitement for those who understand, we should be so fortunate to live in a world of the unknown.

So remember the things you learned in the rows of a classroom, but, don’t be mislead. Our educations leave us staring at a wall, and once we turn around, we fall into life’s depths and with that we learn, we must embrace the fall because those who fall are wiser, then those who grab for air.

the strangers.

UntitledvdvdsI still fiddle with the locks and check that every window’s closed shut. I tuck my blanket beneath my body and lie in bed with comfort, knowing my feet are protected from harm. My eyes scan the dark room as I search for shadows within my closet and I get chills down my back when I sense the eerie presence that comes around at night. I close my eyes and roll into the space where you use to fit. Where in your arms I felt safe and protected. Where the warmth of your body silenced all that is wrong.

I toss and I turn ’till the early dark hours, until finally I accept that the strangers in the streets can’t compete with the stranger of who I am, just as the monsters in my closet are nothing compared to the monsters in my head. 

don’t say anything.

UntitledsfdfWe hate when people assume things just pass. If you see me in a month, I still might be confused. If you see me in a year, I still might be insecure. If you see me when I’m smiling, I still might be in pain.

Don’t say, still? Don’t say, I thought you got over that. Don’t say anything if you can’t understand the way pain lingers.

I’d be so simple if we had  the same friends, same background, same childhood. It’d be so easy to understand if we had the same thoughts, same fears, same goals. It’d be so different if we could see through the walls people build and understand the laughs that are true and the tears that they drown in.

But we don’t have the power to see the ones who are struggling. So, we should live our lives remembering, we’ve all hurt and with that, we’re all able to hurt again.

10 things I would do with a million dollars.

We’ve grown up with the question, what would you do if you had a million dollars?, floating around our heads. The twenties (possibly more then any other age) teaches us the value of a dollar and the way our lives change according to our income. I’ve finally given thought to what I would do if I won the jackpot or stumbled into a successful business venture. What would you do?

milloin1. Buy a two bedroom condo and rid myself of pesky landlords and the constant burden of where I’m going to live in a year.

2. Treat the friends who have stuck by me through the low points of my life, to a fancy night of food and drinks.

3. Send my parents on a two-week cruise to finally say thank you (as much as I can) for everything they’ve done for me.

4. Take two vacations myself. One with my family, and one with close friends. 

5. Enjoy the freedom of going out for desserts, to the movies, bowling etc. with no barriers or maybe after pay day, restrictions.

6. Fill my fridge and cupboards with all of the foods I’ve once picked up and put down at the grocery store because of the price. i.e the fresh $10 pizza instead of McCain.

7. Fill my closet with all of the clothes I’ve once picked up and put down at the store because of the price. (Within reason, of course). i.e. no more Forever 21!

8. Embrace the ability to finally give back to a charity of my choice. I am a strong supporter for Animal Rights and would love to contribute to such an important cause.

9. Walk through the streets with a pocket full of bills, giving them out to every homeless person I come across.

10. Use the money to financially support me while I figure out how to make a living doing what I love, writing.

the madness in your head.

UntitledfdsfWe’re scared of the people who are going to let us down, kill our dreams and cause us pain. We’re scared of real emotions. The weight of heartache and the misery we must tolerate when we can no longer find sense. We runaway from pain and we cheat ourselves from life.

This proves we know so little. We’re cowards hoping to numb rejection. Hoping to endure no more then the sting of a paper cut. There are amazingly painful emotions we must learn to survive. We need to get out of our own way, out of our own mind and see that we’re not alone. We’re surrounded by people who bleed red, whose hands shake, whose voices are laced with fear.

So, embrace the mess you are and the madness in your head. Be so excited you’re scared and so scared you’re excited. Be so afraid your vision blurs and all you see is pain worth feeling.

impractical dreams.

UntitledcWe have impractical dreams to gain instant success. We think things come to us. We think life waits for us. There’s a truth we deny which is a future free of promises, for the only constant is that nothing is.

Every room has a door but for now, some are locked. Every path has an end but for now, we feel lost. This leaves us as victims of what’s meant to be, when it’s meant to happen. We must be patient enough to wait.Besides, the longer we are without something, the more we appreciate it. So as long as we have something to chase, we’ll keep running.

days get lost.

UntitleddsdToo many people live in oblivion. They take life as it is. They have amateur ambitions, a close-minded outlook and a persuadable mind for conspiracy theories. They accept the stability of a plateau. They have no interest in seeing what else life has to offer.

If your dreams haven’t made you cry, haven’t kept you awake at night, or haven’t forced you to give up, time and time again, they’re not big enough. You don’t want them bad enough. There’s a lot of motivation at night that morning pretends not to remember, so don’t let it slip away. Don’t let your days get lost.

Go for the long shot. Go for as far as you can skip a rock, for the only lies we believe are our own. Don’t tell yourself this is enough because there’s a danger in believing that’s true and it will cost a life you’ll never know.