Stop and look around or you’ll miss a puppy see it’s first flower, or a baby take it’s first steps. You’ll miss the teen on the bus give their seat to an elderly women and your neighbor will hold open the door. You’ll miss one homeless person share their sandwich with another and you’ll watch a child’s face light up, with a new teddy in their arms.
You’ll look at your feet because life doesn’t deserve your smiles. You have the ability to be selective. To see what you want – to want what you know. And with every step you’ll remind yourself of heartbreak and pain. The humans that start wars and the evil on the news. You look down to avoid a truth you can’t stand. The world is full of messed up people. Broken people, but for as long as you let yourself turn your head to reality, you’re letting yourself be one of them.
You spend your days left to wonder where you went wrong, what you said in error. The ridiculous regrets that exhaust your mind. If your life has gone wrong and disappointment is constant, realization is the bittersweet battle. You now have the power of hindsight. The ability to use your past to revise your future.
Unfortunately, hindsight stirs anxiety. You over think the things you wish could be over and forgotten about. You think everyone remembers your mistakes without realizing they’re trying to erase their own. It’s an uneasy circle. You must choose to take control of your life or live in a distorted reality. You must never take for granted the power of a second or the power of a second chance.
You hold a fascination for all things bad. Bad for you. Bad to you. You fall for the wrong people. You love knowing they have dark thoughts, bad habits and broken personalities hidden beneath their fearless attitudes. You love the intensity of their moods and the honesty in their words. You quickly accept you can’t have simple love. You need someone to fight daemons with you.
In the midst of falling for others flaws, you fall victim to your own. You begin feeding your inner enemy, confusing your mistakes for who you want to be. You look at your life through a tangled web of rope. You hide behind the wrong people and the wrong choices; despite hating the person they make you.
You can’t admit he doesn’t want you. His eyes don’t light up when you walk in the room. Your inbox shows no evidence of him. Your sheets are tangled from your own distress.
You still flinch when you hear his name. The way you wish things were occupy your mind while reality tells a different truth. Your life has plans he’ll never be apart of but you tear yourself apart wishing he were by your side.
Wishing for once in your life, you could be enough. That you could lay beside him on the nights you stay up, full of rage and sorrow. The nights you’re punching pillows. The nights lonely never felt so alone.
Jack-in-the-boxes taught us to expect the unexpected. Show and Tell taught us the worth of having more, having better, having the best. Finger painting taught us the mess we’re capable of and the colours we show, without any intention. Skipping rocks taught us the fight of sink versus swim and a simple game of tag, taught the power of a touch.
We’ve spent years finding lessons within life, yet there’s still so much we don’t know, and so much we haven’t learned. A frustrating idea to some, but a sense of excitement for those who understand, we should be so fortunate to live in a world of the unknown.
So remember the things you learned in the rows of a classroom, but, don’t be mislead. Our educations leave us staring at a wall, and once we turn around, we fall into life’s depths and with that we learn, we must embrace the fall because those who fall are wiser, then those who grab for air.
I don’t need you to follow me store to store, credit card in hand, because I’m not that type of girl. I don’t need you to cancel your plans when I’m at home alone, because I don’t crave you all the time. I don’t need you to point at the shiniest star and declare it as my own, because I don’t want that kind of love.
I need your arms to keep me warm and your words to keep me company. Your smile, to steal one of my own and your jokes to keep it lit. I need what the poorest man can give and the richest man’s forgotten. The stories cavemen drew and the endings, romantic’s write.
I need the blindsiding creation of effortless love. The kind we spend our lives waiting for. The emotions we never knew we had. For, I’m surrounded by people who need the world while all I need, is you in mine.
I still fiddle with the locks and check that every window’s closed shut. I tuck my blanket beneath my body and lie in bed with comfort, knowing my feet are protected from harm. My eyes scan the dark room as I search for shadows within my closet and I get chills down my back when I sense the eerie presence that comes around at night.I close my eyes and roll into the space where you use to fit. Where in your arms I felt safe and protected. Where the warmth of your body silenced all that is wrong.
I toss and I turn ’till the early dark hours, until finally I accept that the strangers in the streets can’t compete with the stranger of who I am, just as the monsters in my closet are nothing compared to the monsters in my head.
They’ll care if you eat all the food on your plate and they’ll care if you throw it away. They’ll care if you spend three hours at the gym and they’ll care if you waste your day, eating popcorn on the couch. They’ll care if you care, and they’ll care if you don’t.
They’ll hate the tone in which you say hi and stories you love to tell. They’ll hate the sweater you pulled from the depths of your closet. The one reeking with memories and tattered loose ends. The sweater you haven’t yet realized, means more then their opinions.
They’ll resent every flaw you won’t admit – and the ones you can’t defeat. But, for as long as you wait for their stinging words and glaring eyes to kill you, you’re only killing yourself. You cannot live a life without tripping over your own two feet just as you cannot live a life without being shoved from behind. So, let them hate you, let them judge you and let them push you farther.
Needless to say, I love visual posts that can express so many powerful emotions with minimal words. Her Headache did an amazing job and gave me an amazing addition to my blog.
Sleeping Beauty and Disney fantasies of my childhood. I dreamed of being rescued by the handsome prince. Unrealistic in today’s society and no longer the goal. No longer am I that little girl, but the fantasy still lingers. Slow dancing in the kitchen. Laughing together. “I love you,” just coming out abruptly amongst that laughter.
My heart skipped a beat or two.
Did I dream all this? Suddenly now none of it feels real. It could easily have all been a dream I had and nothing more. I can rescue myself, but did I just imagine the “i love-you’s?” I could have. I might have. What is real and what was all just a dream?
“I know you. I walked with you once upon a dream.” This line haunts my dreams now, taunts me again and again.
There’s more to life than a textbook definition. There’s something about it that can’t be put into words and that scares you because you think it means you don’t understand it, you don’t have control. Society has taught us only to love what we know. What we can see, and hear, and touch. You know there’s more and that’s why you’re looking for something you don’t even know exists and you’re driving yourself crazy doing it.