an uneasy circle.

dfdfYou spend your days left to wonder where you went wrong, what you said in error. The ridiculous regrets that exhaust your mind. If your life has gone wrong and disappointment is constant, realization is the bittersweet battle. You now have the power of hindsight. The ability to use your past to revise your future.

Unfortunately, hindsight stirs anxiety. You over think the things you wish could be over and forgotten about. You think everyone remembers your mistakes without realizing they’re trying to erase their own. It’s an uneasy circle. You must choose to take control of your life or live in a distorted reality. You must never take for granted the power of a second or the power of a second chance.

bonded by time.

UntitleddssdToo often, we are bonded by time. By the yo-yo of memories we share with a person. We make our mistakes in pen. Forever imprinting ourselves with things we can’t run from, things we can’t forget. Sometimes we stay, long after loves left because the past is comfortable and the past once made sense.

No matter the depth a relationship has fallen, there’s a way to climb out and escape it’s tight grip. There’s new memories to make and new people to make them with, so don’t lose your sense of wonder. Don’t dirty your blank slate with marker and don’t forget how to love, like you never heard his name.

you could be enough.

Untitled sdYou can’t admit he doesn’t want you. His eyes don’t light up when you walk in the room. Your inbox shows no evidence of him. Your sheets are tangled from your own distress.

You still flinch when you hear his name. The way you wish things were occupy your mind while reality tells a different truth. Your life has plans he’ll never be apart of but you tear yourself apart wishing he were by your side.

Wishing for once in your life, you could be enough. That you could lay beside him on the nights you stay up, full of rage and sorrow. The nights you’re punching pillows. The nights lonely never felt so alone.

effortless love.

UntitledscsI don’t need you to follow me store to store, credit card in hand, because I’m not that type of girl. I don’t need you to cancel your plans when I’m at home alone, because I don’t crave you all the time. I don’t need you to point at the shiniest star and declare it as my own, because I don’t want that kind of love.

I need your arms to keep me warm and your words to keep me company. Your smile, to steal one of my own and your jokes to keep it lit. I need what the poorest man can give and the richest man’s forgotten. The stories cavemen drew and the endings, romantic’s write.

I need the blindsiding creation of effortless love. The kind we spend our lives waiting for. The emotions we never knew we had. For, I’m surrounded by people who need the world while all I need, is you in mine.

after tonight.

UntitledcIt’s the start of a good thing, the start of a love song, the start of a moment meant to last. Because after tonight the stars will dance a little different, and the waves will kiss a little softer and the sun will beam a little brighter.

We’ll share yesterday’s that will change our tomorrow’s. We’ll tell secrets we can’t take back, make memories we can’t forget. Our pasts will be that time, or I remember when. They won’t be right now because right now is us and right now is perfect.

the strangers.

UntitledvdvdsI still fiddle with the locks and check that every window’s closed shut. I tuck my blanket beneath my body and lie in bed with comfort, knowing my feet are protected from harm. My eyes scan the dark room as I search for shadows within my closet and I get chills down my back when I sense the eerie presence that comes around at night. I close my eyes and roll into the space where you use to fit. Where in your arms I felt safe and protected. Where the warmth of your body silenced all that is wrong.

I toss and I turn ’till the early dark hours, until finally I accept that the strangers in the streets can’t compete with the stranger of who I am, just as the monsters in my closet are nothing compared to the monsters in my head. 

5 ways to get a better nights sleep.

Sleep has so much control over the well being of our lives, but not enough people remember the last time they got a night of flawless slumber. I’ve struggled with functioning, day-to-day, on a few hours of rest so I started looking for something – anything – to help me. The Internet is full of suggestions and ideas for those desperate to get a few hours of shuteye, but I spent a few months figuring out my own.

SLEEP1. Atmosphere. Find the atmosphere you like sleeping in. Some people like it cold, some people like hot, some people like the noise of a fan in the background, the list goes on. Try out different combinations and find the temperature and sounds that enhance your sleep condition.

2. Analyze Your Mind. Too many people think relaxation is the key to a good night’s sleep but, if your mind can’t stop racing, don’t lie still and hope you’ll fall into a sleep. Instead, stimulate your mind. Try to count back from 100 by 3’s. This will make your mind work and focus on something other then your thoughts. Even if your mind wanders, bring it back to the task at hand.

3. Quality of Your Bed. We all want our bed to be equivalent to a cloud, yet sleep hygiene is something we often ignore. Wash your sheets regularly, change your pillows once they lose their support and occasionally flip your mattress if required.

4. A Date With Sleep. Pamper yourself and really prepare your body and mind for a goodnight sleep. Have a bath prior using lavender soap. Set flame-less candles around your bedroom, play soft music, turn off the light and carry your relaxed state of mind into a nightlong slumber.

5. Empty Your Mind. Find a planner that works best for you. Find one with a month view, a week view and lines to write additional work.  Before going to bed, fill in your schedule accordingly and make to-do lists for the following day or week. Create a grocery list if required and essentially clear your mind of all things that could keep you up.

Do you have any suggestions or ideas that work for you? Please share!

10 things I would do with a million dollars.

We’ve grown up with the question, what would you do if you had a million dollars?, floating around our heads. The twenties (possibly more then any other age) teaches us the value of a dollar and the way our lives change according to our income. I’ve finally given thought to what I would do if I won the jackpot or stumbled into a successful business venture. What would you do?

milloin1. Buy a two bedroom condo and rid myself of pesky landlords and the constant burden of where I’m going to live in a year.

2. Treat the friends who have stuck by me through the low points of my life, to a fancy night of food and drinks.

3. Send my parents on a two-week cruise to finally say thank you (as much as I can) for everything they’ve done for me.

4. Take two vacations myself. One with my family, and one with close friends. 

5. Enjoy the freedom of going out for desserts, to the movies, bowling etc. with no barriers or maybe after pay day, restrictions.

6. Fill my fridge and cupboards with all of the foods I’ve once picked up and put down at the grocery store because of the price. i.e the fresh $10 pizza instead of McCain.

7. Fill my closet with all of the clothes I’ve once picked up and put down at the store because of the price. (Within reason, of course). i.e. no more Forever 21!

8. Embrace the ability to finally give back to a charity of my choice. I am a strong supporter for Animal Rights and would love to contribute to such an important cause.

9. Walk through the streets with a pocket full of bills, giving them out to every homeless person I come across.

10. Use the money to financially support me while I figure out how to make a living doing what I love, writing.

impractical dreams.

UntitledcWe have impractical dreams to gain instant success. We think things come to us. We think life waits for us. There’s a truth we deny which is a future free of promises, for the only constant is that nothing is.

Every room has a door but for now, some are locked. Every path has an end but for now, we feel lost. This leaves us as victims of what’s meant to be, when it’s meant to happen. We must be patient enough to wait.Besides, the longer we are without something, the more we appreciate it. So as long as we have something to chase, we’ll keep running.