Too often, we are bonded by time. By the yo-yo of memories we share with a person. We make our mistakes in pen. Forever imprinting ourselves with things we can’t run from, things we can’t forget. Sometimes we stay, long after loves left because the past is comfortable and the past once made sense.
No matter the depth a relationship has fallen, there’s a way to climb out and escape it’s tight grip. There’s new memories to make and new people to make them with, so don’t lose your sense of wonder. Don’t dirty your blank slate with marker and don’t forget how to love, like you never heard his name.
You hold a fascination for all things bad. Bad for you. Bad to you. You fall for the wrong people. You love knowing they have dark thoughts, bad habits and broken personalities hidden beneath their fearless attitudes. You love the intensity of their moods and the honesty in their words. You quickly accept you can’t have simple love. You need someone to fight daemons with you.
In the midst of falling for others flaws, you fall victim to your own. You begin feeding your inner enemy, confusing your mistakes for who you want to be. You look at your life through a tangled web of rope. You hide behind the wrong people and the wrong choices; despite hating the person they make you.
You can’t admit he doesn’t want you. His eyes don’t light up when you walk in the room. Your inbox shows no evidence of him. Your sheets are tangled from your own distress.
You still flinch when you hear his name. The way you wish things were occupy your mind while reality tells a different truth. Your life has plans he’ll never be apart of but you tear yourself apart wishing he were by your side.
Wishing for once in your life, you could be enough. That you could lay beside him on the nights you stay up, full of rage and sorrow. The nights you’re punching pillows. The nights lonely never felt so alone.
Jack-in-the-boxes taught us to expect the unexpected. Show and Tell taught us the worth of having more, having better, having the best. Finger painting taught us the mess we’re capable of and the colours we show, without any intention. Skipping rocks taught us the fight of sink versus swim and a simple game of tag, taught the power of a touch.
We’ve spent years finding lessons within life, yet there’s still so much we don’t know, and so much we haven’t learned. A frustrating idea to some, but a sense of excitement for those who understand, we should be so fortunate to live in a world of the unknown.
So remember the things you learned in the rows of a classroom, but, don’t be mislead. Our educations leave us staring at a wall, and once we turn around, we fall into life’s depths and with that we learn, we must embrace the fall because those who fall are wiser, then those who grab for air.
I don’t need you to follow me store to store, credit card in hand, because I’m not that type of girl. I don’t need you to cancel your plans when I’m at home alone, because I don’t crave you all the time. I don’t need you to point at the shiniest star and declare it as my own, because I don’t want that kind of love.
I need your arms to keep me warm and your words to keep me company. Your smile, to steal one of my own and your jokes to keep it lit. I need what the poorest man can give and the richest man’s forgotten. The stories cavemen drew and the endings, romantic’s write.
I need the blindsiding creation of effortless love. The kind we spend our lives waiting for. The emotions we never knew we had. For, I’m surrounded by people who need the world while all I need, is you in mine.
They’ll care if you eat all the food on your plate and they’ll care if you throw it away. They’ll care if you spend three hours at the gym and they’ll care if you waste your day, eating popcorn on the couch. They’ll care if you care, and they’ll care if you don’t.
They’ll hate the tone in which you say hi and stories you love to tell. They’ll hate the sweater you pulled from the depths of your closet. The one reeking with memories and tattered loose ends. The sweater you haven’t yet realized, means more then their opinions.
They’ll resent every flaw you won’t admit – and the ones you can’t defeat. But, for as long as you wait for their stinging words and glaring eyes to kill you, you’re only killing yourself. You cannot live a life without tripping over your own two feet just as you cannot live a life without being shoved from behind. So, let them hate you, let them judge you and let them push you farther.
Needless to say, I love visual posts that can express so many powerful emotions with minimal words. Her Headache did an amazing job and gave me an amazing addition to my blog.
Sleeping Beauty and Disney fantasies of my childhood. I dreamed of being rescued by the handsome prince. Unrealistic in today’s society and no longer the goal. No longer am I that little girl, but the fantasy still lingers. Slow dancing in the kitchen. Laughing together. “I love you,” just coming out abruptly amongst that laughter.
My heart skipped a beat or two.
Did I dream all this? Suddenly now none of it feels real. It could easily have all been a dream I had and nothing more. I can rescue myself, but did I just imagine the “i love-you’s?” I could have. I might have. What is real and what was all just a dream?
“I know you. I walked with you once upon a dream.” This line haunts my dreams now, taunts me again and again.
There’s more to life than a textbook definition. There’s something about it that can’t be put into words and that scares you because you think it means you don’t understand it, you don’t have control. Society has taught us only to love what we know. What we can see, and hear, and touch. You know there’s more and that’s why you’re looking for something you don’t even know exists and you’re driving yourself crazy doing it.
There are days when you find yourself at your lowest. A recluse in your condo and a prisoner of your sweatpants. These days are the struggle. You don’t know if you’re okay or why you feel so hollow. Your eyes don’t say anything but pain and confusion. These days question everything that once was, as the things that use to make your world turn, don’t anymore. Your darkest thoughts start to make sense and you spend your time, just getting by. Yet, on the days you can’t even force a smile, are the days you still feel purpose. It’s not that you don’t want to live. It’s that you’ve forgotten how.
We have impractical dreams to gain instant success. We think things come to us. We think life waits for us. There’s a truth we deny which is a future free of promises, for the only constant is that nothing is.
Every room has a door but for now, some are locked. Every path has an end but for now, we feel lost. This leaves us as victims of what’s meant to be, when it’s meant to happen. We must be patient enough to wait.Besides, the longer we are without something, the more we appreciate it. So as long as we have something to chase, we’ll keep running.