who to resent and who to admire.

When someone apologizes for the way they look, the things they say, it means there’s someone in their life, that taught them to be sorry for who they are. Someone taught them to make excuses for their flaws, to justify their presence.

Perhaps that’s why we confuse cocky with confident. We’re torn between who to resent and who to admire. We’re blinded by whose standing tall and whose being held up. For, even the prom queen knows what it’s like to wake up alone. The highest A-lister has felt lonely in a crowd. The most glamorous person has looked at their reflection through tears.

We compare ourselves to those exactly like us. We all have our niche. Our sense of high; giving us happiness in the darkest times as everyone’s goal is to simply survive tomorrow as they did today. Everyone has the right to live without apology and as a result, they will live without regret.

silence means forgotten.

It’ll be a simple, straight forward text, what’s up?

My thumb will hover over letters on the keyboard, aching to tell you about my insecurities, my deepest fears. I’ll backspace the lines I wrote, flustered about the things that kept me up at night. I wish I could respond, filling your phone with my failed childhood dreams and my too ambitious goals. I wish I could tell you about the music I play on repeat, the poetry I recite in my mind, the things that make me cry, every time I watch the news.

Instead, our conversations are full of empty words.There’s beauty in silence I wish we could find, but for now, silence means forgotten so I’ll wait for your texts. My stomach will toss and will turn. I’ll take a deep breath and respond, not much, you?

ten things to remember when blogging.

Screen shot 2014-08-18 at 10.20.34 PM1. Consistency. If you’re looking for any success to come from your blog, remain consistent. You don’t have to blog every day, but two – three times a week (or even once a week) will give reassurance to your readers that they have something to look forward too regularly.

2. Content. Writing your blog in the form of a diary makes it hard for others to relate. Tell your story in a way that others can put themselves in your shoes or compare what you’re saying to their own lives. This may include limiting use of names and locations or discussing feelings as opposed to events.

3. Branding. Consider your blog a brand or even a company. Create a catchy title, slogan, logo, personalized email and use your voice as the brand identity. You can create an anonymous blog but still, give the readers a sense of organization they can become comfortable with.

  • Try to chose a blog name that people can spell and remember. Therefore, it’s easier for them to type it into the search bar if they’re not able to access their WordPress account and there’s more chances they’ll tell their friends or family about it in conversation.

4. Interact. Growing a blog is irrelevant if you’re not going to interact with people in the ‘community’. A benefit to blogging is having the privilege to hear other people’s insight on topics you’re interested in. Comment on others blogs, respond to those who comment on yours, do guest blogs and if the opportunity arises, engage in email conversations.

5. Clean. Keep your blog clean and simple as the rule, less is more, has never been more true. Only have the share buttons that people will realistically use. Have a solid background colour so the words can be easier to read and don’t fill your page with every widget you come across. This will make your page harder to maneuver around and your work will become lost in the mess.

  • Putting links into text such as,  ‘Click: Here’ looks a lot more appealing to the eye then including the entire ‘www’ address. Learn how to do so in the visual page edit screen.

6. Social Media. It’s almost impossible to have one successful social media account without the help of another. However, don’t sign up for every account at once. You will overwhelm yourself and your work will be mediocre, not outstanding. Start with one account (Twitter, Tumblr, Facebook, Instagram) and link it to your blog so that posts are immediately updated and can be found by another audience.

7. Length. We live in a society with shortened attention spans. We’re used to the length of a Facebook status or the quick skimming of a Twitter feed. Write posts long enough to say what you want but try to restrain from rambling on and on at the risk of losing your readers attention. Turn long posts into two short ones instead, if possible.

8. About. I’ve come across countless blogs that don’t include an ‘About Me’ page. I consider this unfortunate as it is always the first thing I look for. It doesn’t have to be an elaborate summary of your past or details down to your house address, but give your readers a general idea of who is writing these posts. It will really help them to connect and better understand you as a person.

9. Content. This can’t be stressed enough, write what you know. There seems to be a glamourized perception on being a ‘beauty guru’ that makes writing about anything else, seem unacceptable. If you don’t want to write about makeup and DIY’s, then write about mental health, animals, love & loss, being a sad and confused teenager. Write about something you can put your heart and soul into and you’ll be reward with the ability to impact someone’s life.

10. Theme. Just because it’s a theme available on WordPress, doesn’t mean it works for the content you’re trying to convey or the audience you’re hoping to address. Finding a theme that works for you is a frustrating session of trial and error. If your blog revolves around pictures, find an appropriate theme just as you should if your blog is mostly writing. Your readers want accessibility which unfortunately, can’t always be found.

ten things I wish I knew before college.

When you walk through the doors on your first day of College, don’t be mislead. Don’t think you’re the only one with a colour-coordinated map of your classes, stashed in your pocket. Don’t think you’re the only one on the phone with your childhood friends, giggling about the ‘college boys’ you’re walking amongst. And most importantly, don’t think you’re the only one lost, confused, and so far from your normal.

Screen shot 2014-08-17 at 1.54.46 PM1. There is a way to balance school and a social life and yes, sometimes it will mean staying in on a Friday night or sleeping in through an 8 a.m. class.

2. There is nothing more scary yet exciting then the freedom that is college. It’s easy to get overwhelmed but a few phone calls home will always keep you grounded.

3. Leaving High School doesn’t mean leaving the ‘popular kids’ and in class cliques. It should however mean you’ve found peace with who you are and where you fit in.

4. It’ll cost more money to pursue a degree you don’t want then to drop out and reconsider your path. On a similar note, there’s a stigma in being ‘lazy’ if you take a year off when it could in fact, be exactly what you need.

5. Despite what we’ve been told, College isn’t the time to ‘discover’ yourself. It’s the time to push your limits and experiment with who you are. Chances are, you won’t find clarity until after you graduate.

6. It’ll take more work and will power, but there is a way to beat the freshman fifteen. On the same note, don’t let that stop you from eating Mac N’ Cheese in the common room at three a.m.

7. There will be a day where you look at your pictures from first year and not remember anyone’s name. Fortunately, those whose names you do remember, have the ability to be life long friends if you let them.

8. There is a balance between your home life and college life. It may take some time to figure this out but learning to maintain all relationships will make things easier when you need relief from either life.

9. There’s a stereotype of poor college students that is not entirely false. Spend the summer prior to build a budget that can withstand your school needs and social needs. You’ll eventually learn that textbooks and alcohol seem to be the biggest money grab.

10. Just like High School, you’ll laugh, cry, and countdown the days until you graduate but don’t let these years pass you by. You will never have an experience like College again so enjoy every minute of it.

dreaming of different.

Screen shot 2014-08-14 at 1.58.53 AMDon’t skip dinner with friends or pass on a tall glass of wine. Don’t stand in front of the candles on your Birthday cake, wishing for it to be gone and don’t count down the days to Thanksgiving like you count down the calories until you’re ‘full’. Don’t miss your favourite show to run the extra mile and don’t let the seconds in your day, waste away like the numbers on your scale.

I would love my faults if I believed you ever could but for as long as you hold my hand loose and you let your eyes stray, I will understand beauty to be what they want. I will stand in front of my mirror and suck in my stomach. I will flip celebrity magazines and dream of perfection. I will wake up early to hide the things I hate and I will wrestle with myself, when I just can’t be enough.

I will spend the rest of my life dreaming of different and when that day comes, and I finally ‘look’ right, I will look at the floor when he tells me my smile’s pretty. I will argue non stop when he says I’m perfection, because I’ll remember, to you, I wasn’t enough. It’ll  take time and it’ll take hurting to one day realize, life isn’t about how you look. It’s about the person looking at you.

so you’ll leave.

Screen shot 2014-08-17 at 9.35.14 PMYou’ll bite your lip and smile, muttering that’s my girl, beneath the rasp of your voice. You’ll text me until I fall asleep, figuring out the sticks and stones I’m made of.

I’ll start to fill with hopeless emotions, making breakfast in the comfort of your big, flannel shirt. I’ll show up with a naked face and send careless texts of the pizza I ate for lunch.

I’ll take steps towards you with clouds beneath my feet.

To be with a girl that’s comfortable is to be standing at the edge of a cliff, having the power to push her off with the mere air in your words. Some guys will let her climb down while the ones free of guilt will push her, with no intention of being at the bottom.

And so, you’ll leave, because you can’t stand breaking my heart like the ones who stay.

we tip toe around the truth.

Screen shot 2014-08-17 at 9.42.39 PMAnd if one day you lose someone who stepped too soon off the sidewalk, who took a fatal trip, or whose life worked against all odds, do nothing more but appreciate the breaths they took and the life they lived.

We can ask our loved ones to stay indoors, to lock the windows, to lay in blankets. We can ask them to stay in the comfort of a shelter, in protection. We fear we’re not strong enough to handle someone else’s pain so we tip toe around the truth that loss is inevitable and pain is survivable.

No matter the path we take or the speed we go, when it comes down to the crash, our life is in as much jeopardy as everyone else in the car. So, don’t let a day go by without remembering, life is never a question of how they died, it’s a question of how they lived.

just another day.

You waste time convincing yourself you’re at an awkward age. The feelings will pass when the stage does. Everyone goes through it. You remind yourself that every tomorrow is a new day. That means a new promise to be a better person. To do more, to be more, to be happy. Weeks pass and many tomorrows have since come and gone.

Some days your bed is the only comfort you have. Some days your dog is the only companion you need. Some days tomorrow will be an impossible thought. But one day the bad days, will be just another day on the calendar, getting lost in the idea that life’s not all that bad.

dream for better.

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We can’t understand people. We can’t understand why it takes them to lose you to miss you. To hate you to love you. To misunderstand you to get you. We can’t seem to open our eyes and like what we see so we close them tight and dream for better. But more often then not, better never comes, because better is what you have. We’re too quick to let go and too excited to move on. Sometimes the very something we’re moving on from, is the very something we’re looking for.

the distorted reality.

Screen shot 2014-08-17 at 9.45.07 PMCrazy is hiding behind fluent sarcasm. It’s the distorted reality you lose yourself in, the dilated pupils you look through, the humor you use to dismiss the things that matter most. Crazy is your confidence that you can spend your life fighting the way things are meant to be, the way they’re meant to happen. It’s looking at life with eyes that say run. It’s beauty in ways you can’t understand. You’re running in circles wondering why the view is the same. You’re living your life with simple hopes to get by. You’re cursed with a brilliant mind you live to resent.