your darkest thoughts.

There are days when you find yourself at your lowest. A recluse in your condo and a prisoner of your sweatpants. These days are the struggle. You don’t know if you’re okay or why you feel so hollow. Your eyes don’t say anything but pain and confusion. These days question everything that once was, as the things that use to make your world turn, don’t anymore. Your darkest thoughts start to make sense and you spend your time, just getting by. Yet, on the days you can’t even force a smile, are the days you still feel purpose. It’s not that you don’t want to live. It’s that you’ve forgotten how.

days get lost.

Too many people live in oblivion. They take life as it is. They have amateur ambitions, a close-minded outlook and a persuadable mind for conspiracy theories. They accept the stability of a plateau. They have no interest in seeing what else life has to offer.

If your dreams haven’t made you cry, haven’t kept you awake at night, or haven’t forced you to give up, time and time again, they’re not big enough. You don’t want them bad enough. There’s a lot of motivation at night that morning pretends not to remember, so don’t let it slip away. Don’t let your days get lost.

Go for the long shot. Go for as far as you can skip a rock, for the only lies we believe are our own. Don’t tell yourself this is enough because there’s a danger in believing that’s true and it will cost a life you’ll never know.

the pain of deception.

bonds-book-pink-rose-vintage-Favim.com-43102We become fixated on fictional lives and narrated characters. They all have their story. Their beginning, middle and end and they all have a sense of direction for they were created with a purpose. Fantasy gives us the opportunity to lose ourselves in scripted reality. To leave a world we know; and embrace a world we want. It’s a nice story. Too bad it isn’t true.

We must learn to accept that life is what it is or we will constantly end with disappointment. We are given so many ways to hide but in the end, the safest place to be, is where you belong. So, day dream, write stories, watch movies, but don’t forget. It’s the beauty of a flower but the thorn of a rose. It’s the pain of deception.

pain isn’t permanent.

sadtumblrwallpapers28229The pain isn’t permanent. It goes away as graceful as the sky fills with colour after a storm. As temporary as a pavement of chalk beneath rain. So don’t worry. Once today’s pain is yesterdays, you’ll be given a clean slate to make a mess.

Live your days like stepping stones, as if it’s the only path you have. You’ll gain balance and strength with each stride and live life with no desire to look back. One day, you’ll be so fortunate you pushed through and only then will you see, why the path you had to take, brought to you to where it did.

we are the villains.

4779629510_9c822e0594We want to be the main character with a promising storyline and lovable flaws, but too often, we are the villains. Too often do we give ourselves the poisonous apple. We turn a gun on the people in our way and willingly put on the mask to taunt the damsel in distress that is ourselves. We walk away, head held high as everything we know burns in a dramatic explosion, for the monsters and daemons, they all live inside us. Our psychological wounds act as the red stain around our lips or the scar above our eye. It acts as the underlining story, making us the self-destructive people we’re ashamed to be.

we live our lives held back.

cliff-jumpingStress is the stacking of bricks, melting into the soft ground beneath. It’s the little things, the loud noises, the never-ending cycle of burden. Stress is a boiling kettle, a staircase to nowhere, a sea of due dates and obligations. We live in a world that offers everything but owes us nothing and with that; there’s not enough time, not enough sleep, not enough strength.

They can tell you to relax, to calm down, to stop getting worked up over nothing but that’s like throwing a dart and missing the target. That’s like an empty promise that things will workout. So we live our lives held back, with no clue what to do, for stress is the weight of the wagon you continue to pull, leaving pieces of yourself in it’s tracks.

the other side.

teeter-totterThe less they give the more you want and the farther they are, the closer you get. You can’t seem to understand balance. That life is about finding someone to sit on the other side of the teeter tooter. Someone who you can trust, that won’t let you fall. Someone who will lift you up or help you down but won’t let go.

But in case that seat’s empty, when you’re walking past the park, remember balance is also the ability to stand on your own. Balance is a bike ride, forcing you to move forward in order to stay upright. To understand balance is to finally understand the ability to hold on, or let go, but not fall down.

stop and look around.

tumblr_mfsvpxR8DE1s0dqi6o1_500_largeStop and look around or you’ll miss a puppy see it’s first flower, or a baby take it’s first steps. You’ll miss the teen on the bus give their seat to an elderly women and your secretive neighbor will hold open the door. You’ll miss one homeless person share their sandwich with another and you’ll watch a child’s face light up, with a new teddy in their arms.

You’ll look at your feet because life doesn’t deserve your smiles. You have the ability to be selective. To see what you want – to want what you know. And with every step you’ll remind yourself of heartbreak and pain. The humans that start wars and the evil on the news. You look down to avoid a truth you can’t stand. The world is full of messed up people. Broken people, and for as long as you let yourself hide from reality, you’re letting yourself be one of them.

10 q&A’s about my blog.

aboutmyblog1. What is the meaning behind the name, ‘Young & Twenty’ ? I chose to call my blog Young and Twenty because everything I write is about the parallels of this awkward age that we’re in. It’s the line between not a young teenager and not a mature twenty-year-old.

2. Did you have any other blog names in mind? Actually, my blog was originally called when we mumble. I always loved this because we mumble when we’re scared, we don’t want anyone to hear us, and that’s the idea behind the blog. Finally speaking up for things I was once too scared to say.

3. How do you experience enough feelings at once to blog about them? Although my posts discuss feelings I have once felt, they are not what I am feeling at the time. If I wrote a post every time I was extremely happy, sad or heartbroken, I probably couldn’t convey a clear message.

4. What is the process of writing a post? In regards to the above question, I write down words and phrases that come to my head while I’m in the middle of those emotions. Every post starts as a one-liner I have written in my phones ‘Notes’ app and I turn it into, generally a paragraph, from that.

5. Why did you start blogging? I was going through some hard times in my life, trying to decide how to get through my early twenties. I started keeping a journal but got bored of talking to myself. Then I started writing a novel but got bored of it going no where, so I started a blog where my writing possibilities were endless and I could talk to other people.

6. How many revisions does it take for you to finally publish? I write my post but I only re-read it and correct it after it’s posted. Phrases and words are always changed, even after it’s already gained readers. It really helps me to edit when I read it in the same layout as everyone else. Revisions can be up to 15+ sometimes.

7. What types of blogs do you follow? I love to read others blogs. I tend to follow blogs that discuss similar content to mine and are written in a style that can draw me in each and every post.

8. What time of day to your blog? I don’t have a specific schedule. Life can sometimes stand in the way of blogging but as long as I get a post out every day, I feel that’s all that matters. My writing is the same way. Posts are written minutes before they’re posted.

9. Do you every experience writers block? Absolutely. Losing both motivation and inspiration are of course, the worse things to happen to a writer. There were two weeks where I can admit, my blog was at a plateau and my posts became very scarce.

10. What do you hope will come out of your blog? I love having the ability to have a voice and the possibility to help others. It’s an opportunity I never thought I’d have. I hope to continue growing my blog and see if it will help open more doors in the world of writing.

we’re not the only one.

tumblr_lw3192ip4g1r4mycro1_500We build communities and groups, in order to link to those who’ve been through the same. We find extreme comfort in knowing we’re not the only one with a storyline behind us and the obstacles ahead. We’re all lonely and we’re all insecure yet we’re all jealous of someone elses pain. The heartbreak, the loss, the troubles. We’re just a bunch of people saying that won’t happen to me. Yet in the end, we realize bad things happen and life is hard, but that’s called growing up.