love was lost.

I wasn’t ready to love you when I met you. There’s nothing you could’ve said, or anything you could’ve done. You gave me time to decide, time to open my arms but I didn’t, because I couldn’t. Our love was lost, our chance was missed. If timing is everything, then time worked against us, and too often I look at the door and hope you’ll walk in, so we can meet again.

10 reasons why growing up isn’t that bad.

Screen shot 2014-09-01 at 1.02.05 AM1. We may still shift our eyes as we wander the isles, fight our shaky hands as we hand over our I.D and get in and out as fast as we can, but we’re legal and allowed to buy alcohol. No older siblings, no watered down vodka, just the ability to make our own adult decisions.

2. Suddenly you don’t care if you miss a party, full of all too farmiliar faces from high school. You don’t care if you’re spotted at the grocery store with sweatpants and a naked face. You don’t care what other people think. You know what makes you happy and that’s all that matters.

3. Gone are the days when you can’t eat dessert if you don’t eat your vegetables. You can eat cold pizza for breakfast and alternate between salad and cake. You’ll learn the importance of eating healthy, but you’ll learn the thrill in knowing you don’t have to.

4. You can buy the shirt you’ve had your eye on, go to the beach with your friends, and you don’t have to spend the hour prior, begging your parents for money. You have a wallet, money, credit cards and control of how you use it. You have bills to pay but there’s time to do that after you do what you want.

5. Those years you spent asking your parents for a pet. Dragging a stuffed animal on the ground, reciting the responsibility you know it would be, just for your pleas to be ignored. Fortunately, if you live on your own and have the time and money, you can go to the pound today and go find a dog. Bonus: your pet – your rules!

6. Chores are inevitable but growing up means finding a way to make them survivable. Laundry, vacuuming and dishes are all a little more fun when you have a glass of wine by your side.

7. Mornings no longer start with a glass of orange juice. You can now close your eyes, take a deep breath and sip on a warm cup of coffee or tea. You will finally understand what got your parents and teachers through the days when you were younger.

8. Your body no longer wants to stay up until three a.m. and sleep in until two. Surprisingly, you’ll be amazed how much free time you have when you’re up hours before lunch.

9. Aside from missing out on back to school shopping, running into friends in the hallways, graduating High School and furthermore College, means no more algebra, last minute study sessions or the pain that is group projects. You’ll face a whole new collection of problems with a real world job, but it’s nice to live your life without a bell.

10. Your parents start to look different when they no longer lecture you about your curfew, grades or cleaning your room. In fact, you’ll want to tell them about your life, visit them when you’re bored and call them just to hear their voice. You’ll understand their unconditional love is something you can never replace.

who to resent and who to admire.

When someone apologizes for the way they look, the things they say, it means there’s someone in their life, that taught them to be sorry for who they are. Someone taught them to make excuses for their flaws, to justify their presence.

Perhaps that’s why we confuse cocky with confident. We’re torn between who to resent and who to admire. We’re blinded by whose standing tall and whose being held up. For, even the prom queen knows what it’s like to wake up alone. The highest A-lister has felt lonely in a crowd. The most glamorous person has looked at their reflection through tears.

We compare ourselves to those exactly like us. We all have our niche. Our sense of high; giving us happiness in the darkest times as everyone’s goal is to simply survive tomorrow as they did today. Everyone has the right to live without apology and as a result, they will live without regret.

silence means forgotten.

It’ll be a simple, straight forward text, what’s up?

My thumb will hover over letters on the keyboard, aching to tell you about my insecurities, my deepest fears. I’ll backspace the lines I wrote, flustered about the things that kept me up at night. I wish I could respond, filling your phone with my failed childhood dreams and my too ambitious goals. I wish I could tell you about the music I play on repeat, the poetry I recite in my mind, the things that make me cry, every time I watch the news.

Instead, our conversations are full of empty words.There’s beauty in silence I wish we could find, but for now, silence means forgotten so I’ll wait for your texts. My stomach will toss and will turn. I’ll take a deep breath and respond, not much, you?

we tip toe around the truth.

Screen shot 2014-08-17 at 9.42.39 PMAnd if one day you lose someone who stepped too soon off the sidewalk, who took a fatal trip, or whose life worked against all odds, do nothing more but appreciate the breaths they took and the life they lived.

We can ask our loved ones to stay indoors, to lock the windows, to lay in blankets. We can ask them to stay in the comfort of a shelter, in protection. We fear we’re not strong enough to handle someone else’s pain so we tip toe around the truth that loss is inevitable and pain is survivable.

No matter the path we take or the speed we go, when it comes down to the crash, our life is in as much jeopardy as everyone else in the car. So, don’t let a day go by without remembering, life is never a question of how they died, it’s a question of how they lived.

the people who have seen the dark.

Screen shot 2014-08-17 at 9.49.26 PMIf you heard someone cry would you hug them? If you watched someone trip would you pick them up? If you felt someone die would you save them?

Day after day we can save someones life, we can show them the light, we can share what we know. We should all be so lucky to find someone whose seen the dark for those people know how to shine light when we need it ourselves. But sometimes the people who have seen the dark, leave their problems there.

Sometimes we’re scared of hugging, in fear of them holding too tight. Sometimes we’re scared to pick someone up, in fear they’ll pull us down. Sometimes we’re scared to save someone’s life, in fear we will forfeit our own. And sometimes we’re scared to share the lessons we learned, in fear of turning around. 

we fight who we are.

Screen shot 2014-08-17 at 9.54.47 PMOur teen years fixate on the popularity of the girl with pretty long hair and a drinking problem. The jock like boyfriends that will bend over backwards to hold their books and the instant glamour that can be found when accessorizing with pink. It’s the kind of life we hate to want.

We try to make a normal so far from what we know, but it’s a matter of time before we realize people don’t change, they simply can’t. We can fight who we are for as long as we have the strength but eventually it’s inevitable and we give up the act. The twenties come with a lot of hardships, a lot of obstacles we must overcome but while we’re occupied with the more serious problems in life, we forget to pretend to be someone else. There is no better time to embrace who you really are then a time where no one has a clue.

perfection is imperfection.

Screen shot 2014-08-17 at 9.59.35 PMOf course we want perfection. We want the best picture, best job, best hair.

But perfection is when you see his crooked teeth beyond the gap of his smile. It’s the scar on your arm from where you fell out of a tree at age eight. The way you hold your fork the wrong way and the phobia you’ve hid for so long. It’s the way your moms voice echoes through the house and the family bickers on Christmas day. It’s the times someone stutters mid sentence, the times you fall asleep on the phone. It’s the way you snore in your sleep when you dream of perfection. But what society won’t tell you, is that perfection is imperfection and imperfection is perfect.

I would blame you.

I wish I could blame you for the mess I’ve become. I would blame you for the times I laid on my cold, wooden floors. Curled in a ball with crippling thoughts. I would blame you for the nine a.m’s you made me miss, the days in bed you made me have. For the hours spent wishing I was someone else. The time I spent hidden beneath who I am.

I would blame you for the times I believed your lies. The times you pulled me close and kissed my forehead, promising a future in us. For showing me a sadness I didn’t know possible. A sadness I didn’t know how to survive.

I would blame you because I could forgive you before I ever forgave myself.

5 shows that taught us more then we knew.

Screen shot 2014-08-17 at 1.58.13 PM1. Boy Meets World. Boy Meets World taught us that although the world is in front of you, it’s not always within your reach. Growing up is about the obstacles, painful lessons and countless up and down’s that will one day help you find your place in the world. Life is a crazy place to navigate without the people who will get you through, proving that love and friendship can endure anything. Your path is paved by the things that scare you, work against you, challenge you. Maybe you’ll never know who you are, or the place you fit in the world. But as long as you do good, you’ll do great.

2. Sabrina The Teenage Witch. Sabrina taught us the honest hardships of being a teenager. There is a sense of freedom that comes with not caring about what others think and although the sincere smiles are as equal as the heartbreaking frowns, to know every emotion means you know every way to get through. Not everyone is going to like you, not everyone is going to appreciate who you really are, but find the people who do and never let them go. Find your mistakes and make them right. Find your flaws and make them shine. Find your path and make it happen.

3. Saved By The Bell.  Saved By The Bell never held back in teaching us the power of friendship. Growing up is hard and regardless of the pain relationships can cause, life would be a lot lonelier without them. Look at your friends, whether they’re short, tall, male, female, a dork, a jock, a trouble maker. Someone’s exterior will never change who they are inside and how they feel about you. Friendship is about diversity and breaking limits. Let others make judgment. Let them guess who you are. Only your true friends will know and only your true friends will care enough to find out.

4. Lizzie McGuire. Lizzie McGuire taught us the unhappiness that comes with living life, pretending to be someone you’re not. Embrace your flaws and the people who accept them. Believe in yourself and the strength of your voice. Lizzie McGuire taught us that growing up is inevitable but life is about the day you finally understand. You’ll understand why friendships were broken, why relationships failed, why your parents were strict. You’ll laugh at the pointless fights you fought, the awkward things you said, the times gravity worked against you. One day you’ll understand that the things that happened to you; aren’t what make you, you.

5. Full House. Full House taught us that family is beyond a mom and dad. There is love in different households that we have only now began to accept. Unconventional doesn’t mean broken just like blood doesn’t imply a bond. Full House taught us that relationships are about sacrifice but in return you will go to bed, with your heart filled with happiness. You’ll close your eyes knowing tomorrow you can once again endure that madness, that makes it worth it.