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We’ve grown up with the question, what would you do if you had a million dollars?, floating around our heads. The twenties (possibly more then any other age) teaches us the value of a dollar and the way our lives change according to our income. I’ve finally given thought to what I would do if I won the jackpot or stumbled into a successful business venture. What would you do?

tumblr_lkkd40K8781qeojulo1_500_large1. Buy a two bedroom condo and rid myself of pesky landlords and the constant burden of where I’m going to live in a year.

2. Treat the friends who have stuck by me through the low points of my life, to a fancy night of food and drinks.

3. Send my parents on a two-week cruise to finally say thank you (as much as I can) for everything they’ve done for me.

4. Take two vacations myself. One with my family, and one with close friends. 

5. Enjoy the freedom of going out for desserts, to the movies, bowling etc. with no barriers or maybe after pay day, restrictions.

6. Fill my fridge and cupboards with all of the foods I’ve once picked up and put down at the grocery store because of the price. i.e the fresh $10 pizza instead of McCain.

7. Fill my closet with all of the clothes I’ve once picked up and put down at the store because of the price. (Within reason, of course). i.e. no more Forever 21!

8. Embrace the ability to finally give back to a charity of my choice. I am a strong supporter for Animal Rights and would love to contribute to such an important cause.

9. Walk through the streets with a pocket full of bills, giving them out to every homeless person I come across.

10. Use the money to financially support me while I figure out how to make a living doing what I love, writing.

Screen shot 2014-09-23 at 6.13.12 PMToo many people live in oblivion. They take life as it is. They have amateur ambitions, a close-minded outlook and a persuadable mind for conspiracy theories. They accept the stability of a plateau. They have no interest in seeing what else life has to offer.

If your dreams haven’t made you cry, haven’t kept you awake at night, or haven’t forced you to give up, time and time again, they’re not big enough. You don’t want them bad enough. There’s a lot of motivation at night that morning pretends not to remember, so don’t let it slip away. Don’t let your days get lost.

Go for the long shot. Go for as far as you can skip a rock, for the only lies we believe are our own. Don’t tell yourself this is enough because there’s a danger in believing that’s true and it will cost a life you’ll never know.

Screen shot 2014-09-26 at 6.24.05 PMStop and look around or you’ll miss a puppy see it’s first flower, or a baby take it’s first steps. You’ll miss the teen on the bus give their seat to an elderly women and your secretive neighbor will hold open the door. You’ll miss one homeless person share their sandwich with another and you’ll watch a child’s face light up, with a new teddy in their arms.

You’ll look at your feet because life doesn’t deserve your smiles. You have the ability to be selective. To see what you want – to want what you know. And with every step you’ll remind yourself of heartbreak and pain. The humans that start wars and the evil on the news. You look down to avoid a truth you can’t stand. The world is full of messed up people. Broken people, and for as long as you let yourself hide from reality, you’re letting yourself be one of them.

Screen shot 2014-09-27 at 9.06.27 PMI wasn’t ready to love you when I met you. There’s nothing you could’ve said, or anything you could’ve done. You gave me time to decide, time to open my arms but I didn’t, because I couldn’t. Our love was lost, our chance was missed. If timing is everything, then time worked against us, and too often I look at the door and hope you’ll walk in, so we can meet again.

tumblr_lwzqstZoJG1r8gfiro1_400_large1. We may still shift our eyes as we wander the isles, fight our shaky hands as we hand over our I.D and get in and out as fast as we can, but we’re legal and allowed to buy alcohol. No older siblings, no watered down vodka, just the ability to make our own adult decisions.

2. Suddenly you don’t care if you miss a party, full of all too farmiliar faces from high school. You don’t care if you’re spotted at the grocery store with sweatpants and a naked face. You don’t care what other people think. You know what makes you happy and that’s all that matters.

3. Gone are the days when you can’t eat dessert if you don’t eat your vegetables. You can eat cold pizza for breakfast and alternate between salad and cake. You’ll learn the importance of eating healthy, but you’ll learn the thrill in knowing you don’t have to.

4. You can buy the shirt you’ve had your eye on, go to the beach with your friends, and you don’t have to spend the hour prior, begging your parents for money. You have a wallet, money, credit cards and control of how you use it. You have bills to pay but there’s time to do that after you do what you want.

5. Those years you spent asking your parents for a pet. Dragging a stuffed animal on the ground, reciting the responsibility you know it would be, just for your pleas to be ignored. Fortunately, if you live on your own and have the time and money, you can go to the pound today and go find a dog. Bonus: your pet – your rules!

6. Chores are inevitable but growing up means finding a way to make them survivable. Laundry, vacuuming and dishes are all a little more fun when you have a glass of wine by your side.

7. Mornings no longer start with a glass of orange juice. You can now close your eyes, take a deep breath and sip on a warm cup of coffee or tea. You will finally understand what got your parents and teachers through the days when you were younger.

8. Your body no longer wants to stay up until three a.m. and sleep in until two. Surprisingly, you’ll be amazed how much free time you have when you’re up hours before lunch.

9. Aside from missing out on back to school shopping, running into friends in the hallways, graduating High School and furthermore College, means no more algebra, last minute study sessions or the pain that is group projects. You’ll face a whole new collection of problems with a real world job, but it’s nice to live your life without a bell.

10. Your parents start to look different when they no longer lecture you about your curfew, grades or cleaning your room. In fact, you’ll want to tell them about your life, visit them when you’re bored and call them just to hear their voice. You’ll understand their unconditional love is something you can never replace.

Screen shot 2014-09-27 at 9.44.31 PMWhen someone apologizes for the way they look, the things they say, it means there’s someone in their life, that taught them to be sorry for who they are. Someone taught them to make excuses for their flaws, to justify their presence.

Perhaps that’s why we confuse cocky with confident. We’re torn between who to resent and who to admire. We’re blinded by whose standing tall and whose being held up. For, even the prom queen knows what it’s like to wake up alone. The highest A-lister has felt lonely in a crowd. The most glamorous person has looked at their reflection through tears.

We compare ourselves to those exactly like us. We all have our niche. Our sense of high; giving us happiness in the darkest times as everyone’s goal is to simply survive tomorrow as they did today. Everyone has the right to live without apology and as a result, they will live without regret.

Screen shot 2014-09-28 at 1.47.18 AMIt’ll be a simple, straight forward text, what’s up?

My thumb will hover over letters on the keyboard, aching to tell you about my insecurities, my deepest fears. I’ll backspace the lines I wrote, flustered about the things that kept me up at night. I wish I could respond, filling your phone with my failed childhood dreams and my too ambitious goals. I wish I could tell you about the music I play on repeat, the poetry I recite in my mind, the things that make me cry, every time I watch the news.

Instead, our conversations are full of empty words.There’s beauty in silence I wish we could find, but for now, silence means forgotten so I’ll wait for your texts. My stomach will toss and will turn. I’ll take a deep breath and respond, not much, you?

Screen shot 2014-09-23 at 9.04.57 PMAnd if one day you lose someone who stepped too soon off the sidewalk, who took a fatal trip, or whose life worked against all odds, do nothing more but appreciate the breaths they took and the life they lived.

We can ask our loved ones to stay indoors, to lock the windows, to lay in blankets. We can ask them to stay in the comfort of a shelter, in protection. We fear we’re not strong enough to handle someone else’s pain so we tip toe around the truth that loss is inevitable and pain is survivable.

No matter the path we take or the speed we go, when it comes down to the crash, our life is in as much jeopardy as everyone else in the car. So, don’t let a day go by without remembering, life is never a question of how they died, it’s a question of how they lived.

Screen shot 2014-09-25 at 8.39.50 PMIf you heard someone cry would you hug them? If you watched someone trip would you pick them up? If you felt someone die would you save them?

Day after day we can save someones life, we can show them the light, we can share what we know. We should all be so lucky to find someone whose seen the dark for those people know how to shine light when we need it ourselves. But sometimes the people who have seen the dark, leave their problems there.

Sometimes we’re scared of hugging, in fear of them holding too tight. Sometimes we’re scared to pick someone up, in fear they’ll pull us down. Sometimes we’re scared to save someone’s life, in fear we will forfeit our own. And sometimes we’re scared to share the lessons we learned, in fear of turning around. 

Screen shot 2014-09-25 at 8.19.30 PMOur teen years fixate on the popularity of the girl with pretty long hair and a drinking problem. The jock like boyfriends that will bend over backwards to hold their books and the instant glamour that can be found when accessorizing with pink. It’s the kind of life we hate to want.

We try to make a normal so far from what we know, but it’s a matter of time before we realize people don’t change, they simply can’t. We can fight who we are for as long as we have the strength but eventually it’s inevitable and we give up the act. The twenties come with a lot of hardships, a lot of obstacles we must overcome but while we’re occupied with the more serious problems in life, we forget to pretend to be someone else. There is no better time to embrace who you really are then a time where no one has a clue.

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